


Chasing Cars

by Mae_Grayson



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Anxiety, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Hinata Shouyou & Tsukishima Kei Friendship, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Tsukishima Kei, Purging, be safe, please read the tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:55:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25029610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mae_Grayson/pseuds/Mae_Grayson
Summary: Tsukishima notices Hinata falling into his old bad habits, and tries to help. However once Hinata gets something in his mind, there's no stopping him. However, while trying to help the annoying ginger out, Tsukishima's own memories of the past begin to resurface.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 16
Kudos: 323





	Chasing Cars

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags!! 
> 
> Stay safe guys :)

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t noticed. He knew from the first day Hinata started showing the changes he made to his life. He knew what to look for, unlike the team who seemed happily unaware. 

At first it was the eye bags. Hinata’s face always seemed bright and happy, but there were now deep purple bags under his wide eyes. Tsukishima wondered if it was the hunger that kept him awake, the urge to exercise, or his own mind.

Next it was the weight loss. Hinata had stopped changing in the club room, rather showing up already in his gym gear. He was probably changing in one of the school bathrooms. Because of this, Tsukishima couldn’t see the brunt of the damage the shorty had done to himself. But he was able to see Hinata’s cheekbones becoming more and more defined, his clothes slowly hanging off his body, almost as if he was swimming in them. 

And lastly, it was his personality. Hunger changes people, as does the overwhelming mental illness. Tsukishima would watch as Hinata’s hair became less and less spikey and thick, instead taking the appearance of a flattened bed head. Hinata became more standoff-ish, even abandoning Kageyama at lunch, and having less and less energy at practice. 

Sure the team noticed something was  _ off _ , but only Tsukishima knew just how bad the situation was getting.

Too long had gone by before Tsukishima had decided to intervene, cornering him in the club room after practice. When they had gone and grabbed their bags, he had stood behind the smaller boy asking if he wanted to walk home with him.

The team was shocked, to say the least. The two didn’t really talk normally, so seeing Tsukashima willingly approaching their spiker, was way out of the ordinary. 

“Ah, sorry Tsukishima. I’m actually planning on walking home with Kageyama.” Hinata flashed a smile at him. 

“Oh I’m sure the king could get home fine by himself.” He replied back, not giving up.

Kageyama watched the interaction, unsure of what to make of it all. Sure he wanted to walk home with Hinata, but Tsukishima would likely keep pestering him until he gave in. 

“I don’t need you to get home, dumbass. I’m more than capable.”

Hinata just stared.

“Besides, I’ll still beat you to practice in the morning.”

The two started to bicker before Tsukishima had grabbed Hinata’s arm and pulled him out of the room. He clenched his teeth as he felt how much smaller the other’s arm had gotten.

They walked in silence for a while before they arrived at the Coach’s shop, who was quick to offer up meat buns to his players. They both politely declined and Tsukishima led Hinata to the protein drink section, and had to grab his arm when he had tried to run away. 

“Vanilla or chocolate?” Tsukashima asked, not looking at the smaller boy.

“Neither, I’m fine. I’ll eat when I get home.”

“Yeah, sure. Chocolate it is.”

He picked up the six pack of Ensure Plus, in chocolate flavor, and walked to the cashier.

Ukai raised an eyebrow at his choice, “Um,” He stared at the two, “Interesting choice, you finally putting on weight, beanpole?”

Hinata glared at the floor, of course he noticed  _ his _ weight loss, he was still too big. Needed to lose more, and more importantly he needed to figure out how to burn the 350 calories of Ensure.

Even Tsukishima flinched at the comment, while he didn’t mind too much when people commented on his weight, it was still just a constant reminder that people saw him as  _ too thin _ . 

“My mom asked me to pick them up, “ He stated as he pulled out a card to pay. 

Ukai didn’t push much more, just rang up the kid and watched as they left the store. 

As soon as they stepped outside, Tsukishima pulled a bottle out of the pack, “Drink it.”

Hinata scoffed, “How did I know you were going to say that?”

Tsukishima continued to hold the bottle out, “We were part of the same program, I’m sure you drank your fair share of these as well.”

Hinata huffed as he grabbed the bottle, undoing the seal.

“That whole thing better be gone by the time we reach your house, I’ll be checking.”

Hinata took a small sip, “Then why don’t you drink one as well? You aren’t exactly normally eating either.”

Tsukishima wasn’t phased, “But I’m eating, aren’t I?”

“So am I.”

He let out a laugh, “Oh really? Have you looked at yourself lately?”

He paused, “You know what I see.”

“You’ve been through this before, you know that underneath what your mind shows you, you’re actually skeletal.” He continues, “Not to mention your atrocious eyebags and thinning hair.”

Hinata took another sip before continuing, “Why are you even doing this, we hate each other, remember?”

He didn’t even blink, “I just know what to look for. Is it finished?”

Hinata glared as he took his final sip, before handing the bottle back to the other.

After grabbing the bottle, Tsukishima confirmed that it was empty, “Good.”

They reached Hinata’s house and Tsukishima said one last thing before Hinata walked inside, “Just so I know, do you want to end up in the hospital again? Or are you actually trying to kill yourself this time?”

Hinata turns away, trying to get his words out of his already busy head. There was food waiting for him on the table, so he picked it up before making sure to bury it deep in the trash.

It was all too easy to fall back into.

He added his intake for the day:

350 calories for the drink

105 for the banana this morning

95 for the apple at lunch

Bringing his total to 550 calories.

He cursed himself for going over his 500 calorie limit, if Tsukishima hadn’t made him drink it…

He would just work out a bit more before going to sleep.

When he got to his room, he glanced in the mirror. When he had been hospitalized last time, his mom had gotten rid of all of the scales in the house. So the mirrors and tape measures were the only way to secretly track his weight. And the mirror just showed him all the fat still on his bones.

Tsukishima was lucky, he was tall. He was able to eat more for his height and still stay skinny. Hinata wasn’t as lucky, he was only a mere 5’3 and had to work harder.

After doing a bit of cardio to burn off the shake, he fell onto his bed exhausted as his stomach growled in need. 

He wasn’t sure what time he ended up passing out, but it felt like he spent an eternity staring at his ceiling. 

And the morning alarm came way too early.

He skipped his morning banana as he left the house, but still made sure to grab one to dispose of later, so his mom thought he ate it. He wasn’t sure what surprises Tsukishima had up his sleeve for the day, so he had to conserve the calories he ate. 

He wasn’t stupid though, he did grab some extra water at the convenience store that morning, even making sure to grab a seltzer to settle his starving stomach.

He sipped the drink on the way to practice, but made sure to hide it deep in his bag so Tsukishima didn’t see. 

Kageyama wasn’t waiting for him outside the gym like normal, he’d gotten out of bed too late so most of the team would already be in the gym. Deciding that it would be safe to change that morning, Hinata made his way into the club room and began to change.

“Hinata?” A voice rang out behind him.

Hinata froze, and threw on his sweatshirt as fast as he possibly could.

He threw on a smile, “Morning, Suga.”

Suga walked towards him, placing his belongings down, “Is everything okay? You can talk to me, you know.”

Hinata shrugged him off, “Of course! Never better, can’t wait for practice.”

Hinata grabs his shoes and runs out of the club room, gripping the banister more than he should before making his way into the gym. Tsukishima catches his eye as he enters, his face not showing any specific emotion.

As Hinata sits down to tie his shoe he hears, “You ran here without shoes?”

Kageyama was looking down at the ginger with a questioning look on his face. 

He can still feel Tsukishima’s stare, “Yeah, I was running late. You already beat me here!”

“Whatever, just don’t be late tomorrow.” Kageyama walks away and Hinata starts to stretch. 

Suga walked in a minute later, a tense look on his face. He took a seat next to Daichi and Asahi, the two instantly picking up on his mood.

“You good, Suga?” Daichi responds as they stretch. 

“Have either of you seen Hinata change in the club room recently? Or just without a shirt at all?” He asks.

Asahi lets out an awkward laugh, “He isn’t exactly one to just walk around shirtless.”

Daichi gives a smile as well, “Now that you mention it, I haven’t. Why do you ask?”

Lowering his voice to a whisper he says, “I saw him this morning. You could easily count each rib. And there were bruises all the way down his spine.”

The other two freeze, Daichi speaks first, “Do you think someone is hurting him?”

Suga shakes his head, “I’m not sure, he might be the one hurting himself.”

The third years keep a close eye on the first year for the entirety of practice.

_______________________________

Despite being on edge from the interaction that morning, Hinata’s day was going pretty well. He continued to sip his seltzer throughout the day and was ignoring the hunger as it came time for lunch. However, Tsukishima walking up to his desk was enough to dampen his bright mood.

“You ditched Yamaguchi to spend time with me? Are you alright?” Hinata tries to joke.

Tsukishima doesn’t say anything, he just takes two lunches out of his bag and places one on Hinata’s desk.

“What’s this for?”

Tsukishima looks him in the eyes, “To eat, idiot.”

Hinata pushes the food around, never actually taking a bite. Tsukishima noticed this early on into the period, but he knew commenting on it would only make it worse. However, Tsukishima felt uneasy when Hinata smiled at him before eating over half of the meal within the last few minutes of the period. 

When the teacher returns to the room, Hinata quickly raises his hand and asks to use the restroom. While they were annoyed they allowed him to do so. 

Tsukishima who had just sat back at his desk froze. 

Hinata returned back a while later, avoiding eye contact as his teammate glared at him. 

________________________________

Despite trying to leave quickly at the end of the day, the other catches up with him.

The walk in silence while leaving the building, Tsukishima speaking up as soon as they leave, “So, how did your food taste coming back up?”

Hinata keeps his eyes straight ahead, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He rolls his eyes, “Try again, moron. I’m bulimic. You’re knuckles are scratched, you smell like vomit, and you’re voice sounds like shit. Although I’m sure your throat feels worse.”

Hinata stays silent as Tsukishima reaches into his back and chucks another Ensure Plus at him. 

“All of it, before practice.” He pauses and looks down at the smaller boy, “I know you haven’t kept anything down all day and I don’t think you want to pass out in front of the team.”

Hinata turns the bottle around to read the label, he knew the amount of calories in the drink, but it was a habit at this point. 

“You aren’t sneaky, if you must know it’s 350 calories.” Hinata glares up at him, “Don’t give me that look. Either drink it or I’m telling Daichi.”

The glare never leaving his face, Hinata drinks the whole bottle. Tsukishima makes sure of this before the two head into the club room, since they took a while getting there, it was only the two of them. 

Tsukishima snuck a glance at Hinata while he was hiding in the corner. He grimaced, and while he tried not to think about how much the recent events have made him want to do what Hinata had done that day, he also saw how scary it looked. Hinata looked exactly like he had the first time he had landed himself in the hospital. When the two had first met. They didn’t get a long back then either, but that was for a multitude of reasons. Putting them as roommates probably wasn’t the best idea either.

While he was lost in his own head, Tsukishima finds the room to be empty, Hinata leaving to go to practice without him. He sighs before heading out himself.

The practice goes by smoothly for Hinata, as he had had more energy than he’d had in weeks. 

However, it was Friday and his Mom had taken his sister with her on a business trip, leaving Hinata alone for the entire weekend. And without anyone there with him, there was nothing stopping him from fasting for as long as he pleased. 

And that he did. 

_______________________

When Tsukishima walks into the gym monday morning, he freezes, causing Yamaguchi to walk right into him. Yamagichi expected him to make a comment about how uncool that collision was, but his attention was focused directly on Hinata.

Tsukishima wastes no time walking directly up to Hinata, and interrupts his conversation with the king. Grabbing Hinata by the hood of his sweatshirt, Tsukishima physically drags the smaller boy out of the gym, the entire team watching.

“What the fuck was that for?” Hinata demands.

If it were any other member of the team, they’d be shocked at the swear word that just left their precious first year’s mouth. But Tsukishima had heard it all before.

“You are not practicing.” He states.

“And why not?”

“Really?” If it was a different situation, Tsukishima would laugh, “Take a guess, genius.”

Hinata glares, “Yeah, well you’re just jealous.”

Tsukishima scoffs, “Am I? Of what, looking like death?”

Hinata crosses his arms, “Of my commitment. That’s why you keep trying to stop me.”

“Really? I’m trying to keep you from killing yourself and from going back to that goddamn hospital!”

Hinata’s eyes harden as he forcefully pushes past Tsukishima.

The taller boy watched as he walked away, saying one last thing, “Don’t expect me to be at your funeral.”

Hinata stopped, only for a moment, before continuing into the gym.

_____________________________

Despite Tsukishima fighting for Hinata to not practice, Hinata did anyway. And while he knew he should have alerted Daichi of what was going on, that would involve outing why he knew all of the signs. 

Tsukishima was unable to find Hinata at lunch, and the ginger had somehow looked even worse at afternoon practice. 

They were practicing spiking drills, and everything seemed to be going fine. Hinata’s movements appeared to be more sluggish than normal, but no one really thought much of it.

It wasn’t until Hinata was up to spike again did Tsukishima notice it. He luckily hadn’t jumped yet, but he saw his eyes glass over as he suddenly stopped.

Tsukishima was running towards him, yelling to Yamaguchi to call an ambulance before Hinata had even hit the ground. 

___________________________

The team wasn’t allowed to ride with Hinata to the hospital, instead they were all left to figure out what the hell they had just seen.

Yamaguchi stood next to Tsukishima and whispered, “Are you okay?”

Tsukishima didn’t respond, instead he just walked towards the door, trying to clear his head of all of his own memories that were resurfacing. The way  _ he  _ ended up in the hospital.

“Where do you think you’re going, huh?” Tanaka yelled out.

“Look, I know you two don’t get along but are you seriously that coldhearted?”

Of course he was worried, he didn’t take action soon enough, and he had no idea how long he had been starving himself for. He had no idea if Hinata would even be alive the next time he saw him, he had a weak pulse when he passed out, but who knows what happened in the ambulance. And to think, his last words to Hinata were that he wouldn’t even bother being at his funeral.

Tsukishima almost wants to laugh, that line perfectly sums up their relationship from when they first met. Hinata didn't want to get better back then either. He only started trying once a feeding tube was implemented. But from their first conversation, to what might be their last, not many were pleasant. However, as roommates they would talk for hours about all the shit that they were going through before one of them decided to sleep.

Which brings Tsukishima back to his own problems of why he ended up there in the first place. His brother walking in on him--

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked as he placed a hand on his shoulder.

When Tsukishima snapped back to reality he hadn’t realized he started crying. In front of his team no less, how uncool.

He quickly wipes his eyes before turning back, “I’m leaving. As in going home. I don’t think we should practice after that.”

The team stares, Tsukishima was clearly upset and yet still refused to say anything.

“Of course.” Daichi stepped in, “But you seemed to have known exactly what was going on. Care to share?”

“He passed out.” The team stares waiting, so Tsukishima takes a breath, “Because he relapsed.”

Kageyama’s eyebrows furrowed together, “Relapsed? Is he on drugs?”

Tsukishima thought for a second, while he didn’t doubt that Hinata was most likely taking diet pills or laxatives, he didn’t think that was what the king had meant. However, at the same time, was he ready to break his wall of emotionlessness? It didn’t matter.

“No.” He looked away, “He has an eating disorder, anorexia to be more specific.”

The team went silent, letting it sink in that their happy go lucky blocker was starving himself.

“I guess that explains why I could easily count his ribs.” Suga said, “But why was his spine bruised?”

Tsukishima bit his lip, he knew exactly why. He’d seen Hinata do the same in the ward when they were supposed to be sleeping.

“Um, those would be from sit-ups. It’s an easy way to work out at night without anyone noticing and it slims the stomach.”

Kageyama glared, “And he just told you this? If you knew then why the hell didn’t you do anything?”

Biting down his own anxieties Tsukishimi spoke, “Because he isn’t stupid when it comes to this shit. He knows how to hide it. I only noticed last week, and he’s stubborn. I can’t force him to eat.” He glared at Kageyama, “And no, he didn’t just tell me. I had the luxury of watching him do so when we were fucking roomates at the ward.”

No one said anything, no one really knew what to say.

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked from beside him, “You were anorexic?”

All attention was on him. This was supposed to be about Hinata. Not him. He sticks his hands in his pockets to cover the shaking. Sure he was acting mighty all the time, but this stuff was private he never spoke of it. Because he still relapses sometimes. Or spends hours staring at the ceiling feeling disgusted for having the food sit in his stomach.

“No, I’m bulimic.”

“What’s that?” Nishanoya asked.

Most faces seemed blank, “It’s when you purge, or um, have a tendency to make yourself vomit up your meal.”

“Were you like Hinata when you went to the hospital?” Yamaguchi asked.

His mind flashes back to when he was first brought into the hospital. While he was underweight, he was nowhere near as bad as Hinata was. The two were admitted a day apart, Tsukishima first. When Hinata was brought into his room on the second day, Tsukishima wanted to scream. He looked like a walking skeleton, as if his bones could just simply pop straight out of his skin. And his defiance against the nurses, against eating, against anything that could help him get better. 

“No. I was different, but I honestly tried not to think about back then. Not exactly pleasant memories.”

“So you didn’t pass out?”

Tsukishima let out a sour laugh, “I didn’t say that. I’ve had my fair share of passing out over a toilet bowl. That just wasn’t the reason I was brought in, and it really isn’t any of your business.”

That was his limit, his hands were shaking violently and he had dug his nails into his palm in an attempt to keep himself calm. 

He turns to leave, Yamaguchi following him to the club room.

“Was that why you disappeared in 6th grade?” Yamaguchi asked as they grabbed their stuff and left.

“Yeah.” 

They were silent for the rest of the walk.

_________________________

Hinata was eventually discharged from the emergency room and transferred over to the same place he was when he was 12. Tsukishima had gone to visit him the next weekend. 

The minute he stepped in the building he almost immediately walked out. His mind flashed with the reason he ended up there. Why he wouldn’t tell the team.

He’d been purging for a while, never getting caught, lying through his teeth. His exercise routine has been becoming more and more intense as he wanted to work off the meals when he didn’t have access to a bathroom. 

However as time went on he had flimsier excuses for himself to purge and his body was starting to catch up to him. The skin on his knuckles was raw and scarred, his dentist appointments showed his enamel slowly wearing away. 

But one day he was desperate and his fingers weren’t working like they normally did, because despite vomiting everything up, he felt there was more to get rid of. So in his desperation he grabbed his toothbrush from the sink and tried using that. However as his brother knocked, he lost his grip and accidentally swallowed it.

His brother eventually broke down the door to see Tsukishima mid panic attack and blood from his previous vomiting in the toilet.

His brother wasted no time driving him to the hospital.

Like Hinata, he didn’t want to get better at first, but he was smarter about it. However, each attempt was stopped, even when he would try and get away with secretly exercising with Hinata at night.

But eventually he was released, and he heard Hinata was a month after.

Never before did he think he would be there to visit Hinata, if anything he always thought he’d screw up and end back there himself.

But here he was.

Forcing himself to walk through the doors, he signed himself in as a visitor and waited at a table for Hinata to be escorted in by a nurse.

Appearing a minute later, Hinata froze when he saw Tsukishima. But he eventually made his way over, his head down the entire time. 

“They treating you well?” Tsukishima asks after a minute of silence.

“Yeah, some of the nurses remember the shit I pulled back then.”

“You did pull a lot of shit. And you always managed to drag me down with you.” He lets a small smile appear.

“You tried things too, don’t act all innocent, ass hole.”

Despite only being there for a week, Hinata already looked better than before.

Hinata speaks up again, “Did the team ask questions?”

Tsukishima pushes his glasses up, “Yeah, they know about the both of us.”

Hinata winced, “I guess you had no other choice.”

“Especially not when the king declared that I had known and just let you.”

Hinata’s head shot up, “I’m so sorry.” He paused, “You tried to help, but I didn’t want it.” 

“I get it, trust me. When your mind gets like that it’s kind of hard to stop it.”

Hinata shows a small smile, “I’ve been eating though, I’m really trying to.”

“That’s really good, you should be proud.” Tsukishima wasn’t used to being supportive to Hinata in highschool, but he deserved it for taking a step towards recovery.

“I just want to be able to play volleyball again. If I keep doing this, I won’t. And I could cause damage to my bones.” He fiddles with his T-shirt, “And I miss you guys. It’s funny. Despite being here a while after you were released, it’s still so lonely without you in the room.”

Tsukishima stared at him.

“I know, we aren’t even friends, but that dynamic was so familiar. It’s strange to have someone different in my room.”

  
  


“I’ll tell you what,” Tsukishima says, “You get out of here safe and healthy, and me and you will be friends.”

“What?” Hinata asked in disbelief.

“I won’t say it again, I do have a reputation.” He smiles, “But the deal stands. You do your part and I’ll meet you on the other side.”

Hinata put his hand out, “Sounds like a deal.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!!
> 
> Leave a comment, I'd love to know what you thought!
> 
> -Mae


End file.
